well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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