and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
