I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
