Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wear drunk well.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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