Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
