saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize