I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
