I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
