They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
