I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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