The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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