Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
