He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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