Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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