Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
