I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
