Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just found puke in my bra..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
