I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
