Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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