I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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