May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
