do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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