okay pat passed out under dana's car
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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