i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
