Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
