I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
