You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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