I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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