I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
