Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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