My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
