At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
