I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
