you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
