He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
