Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize