Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
