I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Michael Bay diarrhea
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
