Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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