I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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