No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
