OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
