So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
