well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
