Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
