There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize