Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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