my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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