I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
