Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
