I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize