I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
