she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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