I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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