Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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