I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize