I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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