I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
