just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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