I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
