i barfeds in our rink
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
