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I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
