Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
