You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
