Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
