i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
