I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Boobs speak an international language.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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