Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
