Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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