By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
