I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
