hotel room ftw
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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