it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
