Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
