is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
